Why Does It Take Two Hours to Get My Child to Sleep When They’re Clearly Exhausted?

At seven o’clock, your preschooler can barely keep their eyes open through their favourite book. At nine o’clock, you’re sitting on the edge of the same bed listening to a detailed explanation of why the stuffed rabbit needs its own pillow. Somewhere between those two moments you’ve gone from enjoying a cuddle to wondering how much longer you can keep your eyes open.

We’re Kevin and Joanne from Fresh Start Wellness. Essential oils are part of our everyday life and we help families get to know them. If you’re new to oils, they’re concentrated extracts from plants. Each has its own scent. At bedtime, what interests us is how a familiar aroma can become part of a quiet moment together, much like the tune you hum when you tuck your child in.

Why can bedtime still take so long? Being tired and being ready to fall asleep can be two different things. A child can be worn out from a big day and still have plenty on their mind. They might want a little longer with you. A late afternoon nap might mean they’re ready for a rest on your lap, but sleep is still a little way off. Looking at where those two hours go can help you decide what your child needs tonight.

One scent we like for that quiet moment is Lavender essential oil. It has a soft, floral scent that we associate with winding down. If your child enjoys it too, you might choose story time as the moment that scent becomes part of your evening. As the book opens and you settle in beside them, there’s something familiar to smell as well as a familiar voice to hear.

Why can bedtime leave us feeling so depleted?

It helps to think back to when bedtime actually began. Was it when you first said, “Time for bed”? When the pyjamas finally went on? Or when you switched off the light? Those are three quite different starting points. If an hour went by between the first two, it’s worth looking at what happened in the lounge room before changing anything in the bedroom.

Imagine being four. You’ve spent ages building a home for your toy animals and the roof is nearly finished. Someone announces bedtime. You still have a job to do and absolutely nobody seems to appreciate what will happen to the giraffe if it rains. From our end it looks like stalling. From theirs, there’s a perfectly good reason to stay up. A place to park the unfinished zoo until morning might get the evening moving more gently than a third reminder about the time.

Then there’s the child who gets through teeth, pyjamas and a book quite happily. The trouble starts the moment you stand up to leave. Perhaps this is the first time all day they’ve had you to themselves. If that sounds familiar, we’d make room for a few minutes together earlier in the evening. That might be the nicest place for the familiar scent you’ve chosen, when you can sit beside each other without one eye on the door.

It is easy to keep giving without noticing that your own reserves are getting low. Two hours feels long for the grown-ups, too. There’s still dinner to clear away. Someone else in the house needs you. By the fourth call of “Mum!” your voice can sound sharper than you meant it to. If that was last night, we’d start tonight by making one part of the evening easier on you as well. Leave the dishes for a few minutes if that means you can enjoy the story you were going to read anyway.

A five-step bedtime reset

We like a routine that fits into real life. We don’t need to perfect every step. The goal is to make each one easier to repeat, even when we’re tired ourselves.

1. Prioritise the wind-down

Create a short wind-down routine that signals the day is ending. Dim the lights, put devices aside when you can and make the bedroom comfortable and restful. We’d choose the moment the storybook opens as the moment to introduce the bedtime scent your family has chosen. That gives the scent a familiar place before anyone starts wondering how long bedtime will take.

2. Choose an aroma your child enjoys

If you like a straightforward floral scent, Lavender gives you one aroma to get to know. Calmer is a bedtime blend, which means several essential oils are combined to create one scent. It brings Lavender together with Cananga, Buddha Wood and Roman Chamomile. There’s a soft woody note underneath the flowers. If you already have Calmer, you have Lavender in the blend, so you can keep things simple and choose one.

We’d start by finding out what your child thinks of the aroma. Daytime is a lovely time for that conversation because nobody is waiting for anybody to fall asleep. “What does that remind you of?” leaves room for a much more interesting answer than “Does that make you feel calm?” They might say flowers, Grandma’s garden or something you would never have guessed. Let their answer guide what you choose for the evening.

We follow the age and use directions on the particular product we’re using. For bedtime, we’d pair the chosen aroma with something your child already looks forward to. If it’s Lavender and a picture book, let it be the book they know so well they can tell when you’ve skipped a page. If it’s Calmer and a song, choose one you can still remember when you’re tired yourself. The oil has a place in the evening without giving you another job to finish before lights out.

3. Make room for movement and time outside

Getting outdoors gives you a change of environment, fresh air and exposure to natural light. Look for natural opportunities during the day. With a preschooler that might mean walking to the letterbox after breakfast or dancing in the kitchen while dinner cooks. As evening draws in, change the pace. The music can get quieter and the last dance can finish with a cuddle.

4. Notice what your child needs

Before you begin, ask yourself where last night got difficult. If it was leaving the toys, help your child choose where the half-built zoo will wait until morning. If they were still talking about preschool long after lights out, give them a chance to tell you the best or funniest part of their day while you help them into their pyjamas. Choose whichever change speaks to your evening. One is plenty.

5. Pause and breathe together

When our own patience is wearing thin, we come back to three simple words. Pause. Reset. Breathe. We can take one slow breath ourselves before we answer another call from the bedroom. Even that small pause can help us hear the difference between a request for another story and a child who’s genuinely worried.

Give your child a small choice you’re happy to honour. “Shall we read the bear book or the one about the train?” works beautifully when either answer leads to the two of you sitting down together. Enjoy your chosen bedtime aroma, read the book and finish with a goodnight your child recognises. If they’re worried about something, listen. Sometimes the most important thing you’ll learn all evening comes out just as you close the book.

A simple evening check-in

In the morning, think about what felt easier. Perhaps your child still took a while to fall asleep, but you both enjoyed those ten minutes with the train book. That tells you something worth keeping. If settling regularly takes hours or your child seems exhausted during the day, it’s worth talking through their sleep pattern with your GP or child health nurse. You can tell them when the wind-down starts, when sleep usually comes and what you’ve noticed on days with a nap.

Trying to change everything overnight can feel like another workload. Start small and be kind to yourself. If you’re curious about bringing essential oils into those quiet moments, we’ve put together a free children’s oils guide for you. You can get to know Calmer and explore which aromas your family might enjoy. Download our free guide, Little Ones, Bedtime and Essential Oils, to get started.